The Miami Herald

Once upon a time, every classroom had its bully ﾖ usually a boy who was chubby, a loner, with self-esteem so low he had to put down other kids in order to get noticed and feel powerful.

In todayﾒs classrooms, the bully is more likely to be the ﾓpopularﾔ kid who dictates whoﾒs ﾓinﾔ and whoﾒs left ﾓout,ﾔ using manipulation, intimidation, and verbal abuse. Itﾒs just as likely to be a girl as a boy. Bullies attempt to isolate the targeted child by making fun of the way she dresses, walks and talks, or anything that makes her ﾓstand outﾔ from the ﾓnorm.ﾔ She might be harassed with cell phone calls, text messages, and posted messages in Internet chat rooms. In fact, ﾓcyberbullyingﾔ has become one of the most common forms of harassment and the hardest to do anything about since most of it takes place outside of school hours.

With increased pressure to compete in overcrowded schools for good grades, class rank, and eventual acceptance at a ﾓgoodﾔ college, aggressiveness is reinforced by the ﾓwinner take allﾔ mentality that has filtered down from the adult world.

Over 160,000 children stay home from school each day because they are avoiding bullies and being harassed. For many children, crossing the threshold into school every day is like entering a social minefield. Bullying is a major cause of absences and if unchecked can lead to depression and even suicide.

If youﾒre thinking bullying is no big deal, take a lesson from Debbie Johnston, whose son Jeffrey committed suicide last year after being harassed on the Internet for three years by a schoolmate.

Since Jeffﾒs death, Ms. Johnston, a middle school teacher, has become a leader in state and national efforts to pass legislation which would mandate protection and bullying prevention programs in school and on the Internet.

Ms. Johnston lobbied hard in Tallahassee for passage of The Jeffrey Johnston ﾓStand Up For All Studentsﾔ Act. So did Equality Florida, an organization which advocates for sexual minorities. So did the Miami Dade Student Government Association and the Community Task Force for Bullying Prevention, a group of parents, grandparents, students, educators and safe school specialists. The bill made it through four state sub-committees but failed to be introduced to the full assembly in time for passage.

ﾓSadly, we remain one of the 22 states without laws to protect our students, not because the law failed to pass, but because it was not deemed as important as other issues such as choosing a state dessert, ﾓ says Debbie Johnston, who is raising funds to take a group called Students for Safer Schools to Washington D.C. to promote national legislation.

The Task Force did have considerable impact locally with the school board and administration. After hosting a series of workshops on the problem, the Task Force issued a summary of student complaints and suggestions. Students said they would be more willing to report problems of abusive behavior if kept confidential and if teachers actually acted on the information. But most teachers, they reported, just ignored their complaints and did nothing. Many teachers said they needed specific training in order to intervene effectively.

School board member Dr. Martin Karp began meeting with the Task Force and initiated the development of a district wide bullying prevention curriculum plan to teach school staff how to intervene effectively. ﾑThe district-wide plan includes a process for schools to address violence and promote the re-culturing of the environment to create a safe and supportive community for all students and staffﾒ, says Deborah Montilla, Administrative Director in the Division of Student Services.

Last spring, the Division of Student Services organized workshops for over six hundred administrators and counselors educating them on the topic of violence. The training resulted in creating draft feeder pattern bullying and violence prevention plans which will be updated and implemented at schools this year. The plan promotes schools creating on-site committees to work on reducing and preventing incidents. Parents with questions or concerns regarding bullying and the prevention program may contact the counselor at their childﾒs school.

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NO ONE IS UNAFFECTED BY BULLYING

Advice from Diane Landsberg, Executive Director of The Non-Violence Project USA, a non-profit organization which has been working in the MDCPS school system for a decade, teaching conflict resolution and pro-social leadership skills to all grade levels:

ﾓAll parents have a responsibility to help resolve this problem. Your child is in one of three groups ﾖ either heﾒs a target, the bully, or an ﾓinnocentﾔ bystander. If we can eliminate the ﾓbystanderﾔ category, we will have come a long way towards eliminating bullying behavior. Why? Because bullies get a power surge when they have an audience. So the more kids who watch and say nothing or do nothing, the more powerful the bully feels. If students stood up for one another, and were backed up by the school staff, bullying would cease to the problem it is. We hope the new bullying prevention curriculum and staff training will cause a huge change in the social environment for kids. But it will still take the cooperation and involvement of parents if it is to succeed.ﾔ

Signs:

Targets often:
Fear going to school
Avoid riding the bus
Avoid eating lunch in the cafeteria
Come home with bruises, scratches, torn clothes or missing property
Seem depressed or worried
Deny anythingﾒs wrong when asked

If your child is being targeted, donﾒt blame the child for being victimized and donﾒt encourage him to fight back. Bullying is serious and can escalate quickly into a potentially harmful situation. Instead, coach your child to avoid bullies if possible, always travel in twoﾒs, avoid isolating situations, always report abusive behavior to a responsible adult, and to let you, the parent, know what is going on.

You have recourse. Bullying is not supposedly to be tolerated in MDCPS schools. If the school does not have a strict code and enforced consequences, you have a right to report any attack or threats to the police.

Bullies often:

Act aggressively towards younger children and pets
Brag about committing violence
Threaten and tease excessively
Curse and talk tough
Have been previously targeted by bullies

Bullying is learned behavior. Parents are often the first teachers. If your think your child is bullying other children, talk it over with him. Tell him you donﾒt approve of being mean to others. Then take a look at your own parenting style:

Do you scold your child in front of others?
Do you take away privileges without warning?
Do you physically punish your child for wrong doing?
Do you yell and call your child names?
Do you use ridicule and humiliation to control your childﾒs behavior?

Bystanders often:

Focus on ﾓfitting in,ﾔ wearing the ﾓrightﾔ clothes
Worry constantly about how they are perceived by others.
Avoid being the focus of attention in the classroom

If you think your child has witnessed bullying, encourage him or her to talk about what happened. If she seems afraid to talk, reassure her that you will protect her confidentiality but insist that for her own safety you need to know what is going on at school. Teach your child to intervene safely by reporting to an adult what is going on. If your child is a friend of the person targeted and feels secure enough, he or she should stand next to the person being bullied and tell the bully to stop. This tells the bully that the intended victim has allies.

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The Bully Vaccine

You can immunize your child against anti-social behavior by reading and talking about books with pro-social themes. The Task Force for Bullying Prevention held a workshop for parents and educators on bullying prevention through literacy, given by Cathryn Berger Kaye, a nationally renowned expert on the subject.

Here are some of the books she recommends:

For early readers:
Hey Little Ant, by Phillip and Hannah Hoose; a boy who likes to stomp insects learns to see the world from an antﾒs point of view.
Donﾒt Laugh At Me, by Steve Seskin and Allen Shamblin; The lyrics to a song (CD available) about kids who are teased or left out because of being ﾓdifferent.ﾔ

I, Miss Franklin P. Shuckles, by Ulana Snihura; to stay popular at school a girl shuns a friend but learns the importance of true friendship and kindness.

For pre-teens and early teens
The Misfits, by James Howe; on the reading lists of most middle schools Define ﾓNormal,ﾔ by Julie Anne Peters
Geography Club, by Brent Hartinger

For young adults
On the Fringe, edited by Donald R. Gallo; short stories about non-conformity, hate, and self-acceptance. Useful for group discussions.
ﾭShadow of the Dragon, by Sherry Garland; hate crimes affect a Vietnamese immigrant family.

Other recommended reading:
The Boy Who Looked Like Lincoln, by Mike Reiss, a humorous look at learning to accept differences and turning them into assets. (Picture book and young readers)
Hoot, by Carl Hiassen; a newcomer learns to overcome being bullied and finds a purpose after befriending an outsider. 6-12 grade.

Self-help for kids:
The Kidﾒs Guidebook: Great Advice to Help Kids Cope, by Tova Navarra
Boundaries: A Guide for Teens, by Val J. Peer and Tom Dowd
Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain, by Trevor Romain

Self-help for parents:
The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School ﾖ How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence. By Barbara Coloroso
Bullies and Victims: Helping Your Child Through the Schoolyard Battlefield, by Suellen Fried and Paula Fried
Girl Wars: 12 Strategies That Will End Female Bullying,by Cheryl Dellasega and Charisse Nixon.

For educators:
No Room for Bullies: From the Classroom to Cyberspace, Teaching Respect, Stopping Abuse, and Rewarding Kindness, editors, Jose Bolton, Sr. and Stan Graeve.